never play flip cup with pint glasses
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
