my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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