So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
