You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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