hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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