A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
