You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
