the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
