I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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