If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
