I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Randomize
