i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
