U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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