i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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