Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
