I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
