I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
