You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
