I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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