I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
