Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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