I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
