You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
