new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
