i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize