need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm really into asian looking animals
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
