so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
