she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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