Will you blow on my dice?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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