Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize