Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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