so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
