Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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