super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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