I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
