Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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