We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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