Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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