i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
