I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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