I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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