hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
