girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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