it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
