Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
