Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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