So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
