Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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