$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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