So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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