She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
