TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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