Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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