I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I want to be your penis for a week.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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