Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
