I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
