omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
