Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
