I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
