I'm drive I can fine osifer
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
