WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
