The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
