im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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