I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
