what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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