So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
