like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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