No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
