lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
