Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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