no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
