true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
