apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Randomize
