I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
